Back in the thick of it

Lots going off around here these days.  Let's cover the last week.  

My next door neighbor died.  Well, was murdered.  In Moscow, Idaho.  I left Minneapolis to small town Idaho to have this happen?  I am not a little bit in shock about it all.  Anyone with a spare hug to give, I could use one. 

Life is so so precious.  I am so happy and grateful to have my friends and family as healthy as they are.  Albeit a bit insane some of them, I won't fault them for it.  

Still moving.  Somewhere.  I am having a hard time making decisions.  

Got the official word on Saturday that I got one of the main roles in the Sexy Tell Me web series.  We'll hopefully start filming soon. 

Just keep smiling and having gratitude and showing love.  

Peace to everyone.  Namaste.  And a big Om mani padme hum. 

Life is so precious

My next door neighbor died in a house fire this morning.  She was in her 20's. 

I'm fine.  My place is fine.  Shaken, but fine. 

Life is so incredibly precious.  How can we go through life being so hateful, calus, resentful, disliking out jobs, our lives, our families, our friends, everything.  We should be grateful for ever day that we are on this beautiful earth. 

Smile, because today, you're here. 

The five symbols that pervade my life peace, love, gratitude, yin yang, and om (include buddah and ghanesh and krishna as well... but I suck at drawing). 

Lovely day

Trying to convince myself there, can you hear it? 

Pretty shoddy day really.  Spent a large part of it vomiting in the doctors office.  Thank god they finally gave me a shot and then some pills which finally got me to ya know... stop. 

Having a hard time being upbeat today.  But I am trying very hard.  

"If constructive thoughts are planted positive outcomes will be the result. Plant the seeds of failure and failure will follow."

"Thinking negatively is like taking a weakening drug."

Wake to dream...

Today's gratitude ideas:

Focus on Gratitude just before drifting to sleep and immediately upon waking.

And the daily affirmation: 

My work is always recognized positively.

Hello is this thing on?

I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  I am a duck.  It shall roll off my back.  

pack it in

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks where you want to just pack it all up, change your name, change your identity and goals and just run away?  This week has been a bit like that.  I'm so exhausted lately it's really starting to effect my mood and my structure of life.  I'm normally not like this.  But I feel spent.  Maybe this is just part of the course I'm running.  The treatments are making me anemic which is in turn running me down even harder.  Finding 101 ways to prepare kale.  Eating lots of bran, kale type greens, chickpeas, and so much Whey and Green protein powder I should buy stock in the company.  If only I could just slam down a pound of liver.  :S

Anyway, yes, tired, run down Clare is still excited about things though.  She's excited for her Day at the Spa next week.  She's excited to wear a dress out and about.  She's excited to partake in the 42 days of World Gratitude (worldgratitude.com) coming up starting on the solstice.  She's excited to stop talking in the third person.  

Life is still going and I'm doing well.  I see the doc on Monday again. 

I will keep on keeping on and hopefully my energy levels will start to rise.  Maybe I just need a good cry?  Sometimes I think I'm trying so hard to be positive that I forget to grieve the pain out.  Anyone got a good shoulder?  :) 

NAMASTE Y'ALL

xx

Best tweet ever

"what is a president without a country." There is something happening here. A change gonna come.

More songs

"You're unbelievably hard to love but I love you anyway." how does that not describe everyone? Love it!

Sleepy bye time

Long day at work.  Fed.  Exercised some more.  Ready for bed.  Protein drank? Check.  Face washed? Check.  Alarm set? Check.  Tea drunk?  Check.  Welp, that's about it.  Time to get into bed and listen to some mediative music, spend some time with my thoughts and then drift to sleep and dream good dreams. 

? of the day

Via cafe gratitude:

what stops you from being generous? how are you going to serve love today?

Daily Affirmation

I am filled with energy to do all the daily activities in my life.

Lost for words

So much I could say.  So much I want to say.  So much better off unsaid.  So much people are glad I don't say! :)

I think I might start writing my blog on paper and then just taking pictures and putting it up here.  I don't know why, but there is something about typing that seems so formal and fixed.  Like I have to say something uber intelligent or have witty remarks or talk about the world and the universe all the time. 

Alright, I'll talk about the universe.  One of the other CM's at work is a believer in universal connection (I can't remember off the top of my head the specific 'group' but I'll post it when I do).  The whole premise is that whatever you put out into the universe the universe will give back to you.  So if you believe you are going to have good things and tell it out loud, it will happen.  Whether it works or not is beyond me, but I think it's a great exercise in living positively, with gratitude and love.  Whatever we give, we shall receive.  

Live high.

xx

Daily Affirmation

I am healthy in all aspects of my being.

Long day

Up in Spokane, saw lots of apartments, did a little this, little of that.  

So tired. 

But at least I have some chocolate from the adventure. 

things you never think you'll find again on the hard drive

I guess it's a bit of a bucket list... I don't know.  But I wrote it a very very long time ago.  87 things on the list, 23 done.  Close to accomplishing a few of them; spend 6 months perfecting my body, get something I REALLY want, learn to speak another language fluently. Making moves on a few; learn to swim, learn to surf (those two go hand in hand), catch a fish at the Seattle Market, walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, having the feeling of completeness. 

What's on your list? 

"This is what I look like today... and I'm trying not to pull out my hair... trying not to show it because I'm far too shy to grow it back there... that's probably why I like wearing hats.  There's no denying I'm deferring the facts... "

Daily Affirmation

Again with the liking on this one. :) Makes me happy to have affirmations.  I even downloaded a meditation and affirmation iphone app.  Love it.  Yes, I am okay with being a bit of a freak. 

I have abundant energy, vitality and well-being.

daily Affirmation

wow...

I have the power to control my health.

New favorite iphone apps

Oh god, this thing is addictive.  :0)

Favs:

Brain Teaser, bubble wrap, eight glasses a day, beer me (thanks Jens), lightsaber unleashed, write pad, word search, a fake caller (sooooooooo using this if I ever go on a bad date again... so far haven't had any of those in a while). 

horoscope

bollocks? sure, but they do make for good entertainment.

Virgo:

This whole day you may appear charismatic. You could make your request for a date, apply for a job, raise, promotion or loan. This activity may seem a bit out of the usual as your drive and emotions usually take conservative, well-traveled paths, carefully avoiding the new and different. Someone may encourage you to schedule some academic classes into your routine so that you can either complete some project or brush up on some skills that will benefit your future income. Higher education or philosophical/religious contacts could have a part in making good things happen. Recreation and sports are excellent ways to keep in shape and ease any stress. Careful--accidents could occur if you overdo today.

breath in... breath out...

Each day I will give gratitude for the little things.  

Each day I will not worry for the larger picture is more than I can see. 

Each day I will give thanks for the people in my life. 

Each day I will strive to make the world a better place. 

Each day I will learn something new.

Each day I will wear my heart on my sleeve.

Each day I will push myself to remove pieces of the armor I put on. 

Each day I will work to right a wrong I've done.

Each day I will give good things to the universe and will receive the good things it gives me in return.

Each day I will love unconditionally, grateful to be able to love and receive love in abundance.

Each day I will.

Each day, what will you?

"Now you put water into a cup and it becomes the cup, you put into a bottle and it becomes the bottle, you put water into a teapot and it becomes the tea pot.  Water can flow or it can crash.  Be water, my friend." - Bruce Lee

Namaste. 

Daily Affirmation

My inner vision is always clear and focused.

can't think of anything silly enough

Hey y'all.

Audition yesterday went fab.  Looking forward to working with this bunch.  Not going to jinx anything by writing it down, but yes, it went well. 

Got the iphone.  Boy, there is a learning curve.  Good thing I learn fast or no one might ever hear from me again.

Not much else going off.  I had a lovely weekend with lovely people.  Even the work training wasn't all that bad.  I could have done without the medical stuff, but hey, life goes on, so I'm told.

om mani padme hum.

Daily Affirmation

I am connected with the Divine Love in the Universe.

Early morning wake up call

also titled: fuck the birds start early around here.

4am.  Why?  The sun isn't even thinking about rising yet. 

Hello, starling, get the fuck out of my tree at 4am.  Give me at least another hour and a half. 

Silly birds.

Just got out of the shower, ready to start the adventure.

Here's to a wonderful day.

xx

daily Affirmation

I trust my inner being to lead me in the right path.

I really like this one for my now. 

going going gone

And the boy is finally down.  Birthday party today.  One too many sweets/processed/salt laiden food item and it was like he was on crack tonight.  

Le sigh.  

Kids, can't live with them, can't possibly imagine life without them. 

Wish me a broken limb for tomorrow.  

Goodnight and safe week everyone.

xx

le sigh, gone to the dark side; daily affirmation

and I ain't talking about no moon.  that's right.  

Another daily affirmation as well because I liked this one in my inbox this morning: I am loving and accepting of others and this creates lasting friendships for me.

daily Affirmation

I am free to be myself.

cell phones

The fucking things are going to be the scurge of modern society I swear.  Devilish bastards are made to break, and then we wonder if we missed calls/texts/etc, have trouble getting a new phone because AT&T hates me a little bit, and well, are probably what is killing the bees!  

/end rant

Daily Affirmation

I am surrounded with loving, caring people in my life.

Oh so true! :)

RIP David Carradine

I am an actress.  But rarely do I 'follow Hollywood.'  They live their lives and I live mine, but once in a while you find someone that really does strike you as an amazing person, actor and legend.  To me, David Carradine was one of those actors.  He brought the martial arts community to the forefront the way few others could.  

Kung-fU - David Carradine KungFu
Uploaded by unzip - Classic TV and last night's shows, online.

Auditon/Interview for the Sexy Tell Me web series is on Monday.  

Namaste.

xx

Daily Affirmation

I am deeply aware of my emotions as they arise.  I allow my emotions to be as they are without judging them or myself.

Lyrically speaking

"But I'd rather be the one who loves than to be loved and never even know."

Oh Josh Ritter, the words you write.  I can't wait for Josh to come around these parts next month.  It'll be so great to see him in his hometown element.  

I've been spending quite a lot of time me, the iPod (or CD's) and the Nissan.  Lots of car time.  Spokane is 186ish miles round trip.  I just happen to be one of those people who adores music.  I live, breath, sleep music.  I can't function well without it.  Lyrics run through my head on a hourly basis.  I don't need a lot in life, but I truly believe my life would be little without music.  The beat, the sway, the rush, the pull, the lyrics.  I'm a word nerd.  I admit it.  Any song writer that can string together a verse of well played and double meaninged (new word of the day! yay!) sentences has my vote. 

Here's what's hit me lately:

"Lying on your back as the sun goes down, you know it's perfect cause you've got to leave" - Me and Jiggs by Josh Ritter

"It's a Bible or a bullet they put over your heart. It's getting harder and harder to tell them apart" - Thin Blue Flame by Josh Ritter

"You see the smile that's on my mouth, it's hiding the words that don't come out." - The Story by Brandi Carlile

"Now I live every day like there will never be a last one until they're gone." - My Song by Brandi Carlile

"I was your silver lining, but now I'm gold." - Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley

"Your lunacy fits neatly with my own." - Sea Song by Rachel Unthank and the Winterset

"And timing's everything. And this time, there's plenty. I am balancing. Careful and steady. And reveling in energy that everyone's emitting. Well I don't want to wait no more. No, I want to celebrate the whole world. I'm gonna make it mine. Because I'm following your joy. I'm gonna make it mine because I am open." - Make it Mine by Jason Mraz

"Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love." - I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

"Glory God, oh God is peeking through the blinds. Are we all here standing naked taking guesses at the actual date and time? Oh my, justifying reasons why is an absolutely insane resolution to live by. So live high." - Live High by Jason Mraz

"Hold your own, know your name and go your own way." - Details in the Fabric by Jason Mraz

"My home is deep inside the mystics." - Dynamo of Volition by Jason Mraz

"There's no shame in being crazy." - Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz

"And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard, but it's nice to say that we played in the dirt." - Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz

"It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle that you've made it." - Tonight, Not Again by Jason Mraz

"La la la la la la life is wonderful." - Life is Wonderful by Jason Mraz

"We dance, we dance, we play, we rant and rave." - Childlike Wildlife by Jason Mraz

So yes, you might sense a few themes, I get fixated on artists and tend to find ones that use big words.  The day I find a musician that makes me pull out my dictionary is the day I fall in love. 

Namaste. 

xx

ps- I am still hacking up my lungs and what not.  But the fever broke at about 5:30 this morning.  Whoo.  

Daily Affirmation

I am safe and always feel protected.

Health Care Organizing Kickoff

Sadly it's (re: title of blog post) on one of the days I'm in Spokane and Spokane's is on a different day.  So I can't attend either. I hope everyone that can will take part in this much needed and momentous step toward Universal health care in the US.  

Lord do I know that we need it.  

Yes, I look as exhausted as I feel.  Long day.  Busy day at work.  Got a lot done before work.  I am coming down with a sore throat as well.  I guess that's what I get for having a four year old with a hacking cough and a weakened immune system.  

Anyone want to come take care of me?  I'm downing buckets of kombucha, echinacea, vit B/C/D, zinc, and jasmine tea.  But what I need is a good back massage, a nap, and a hug. 

Sleep tight.

xx

plotting and planning

Pre-planning a trip with Ayla to spoil ourselves silly one day in Spokane nextish weekend.  Mani/Pedi/detox treatments all around.  We found a cheap spa that is right up our alley.  Spa filled day, plus a nice eye candy filled night (oh yes, you know what that means ;) ) and maybe a walk around a park or something.  We decided we're both worth it.  And in need of it. 

Sent off my resume for an acting gig today.  Christ on a rope I haven't done anything in so long, rusty rusty rusty.  Now where the hell in my ass can I pull some monologues from?

Third times a charm

I had a girlfriend over for dinner tonight.  It was nice to play catch up, life gets so busy it's hard to have time to unwind and really spend time with friends.  I made couscous with mushrooms, zucchini, green onions, tofu, broccoli, and of course loads of garlic and cumin.  A nice green salad with cilantro, cucumber, carrots, radish, almonds, blueberries and a papaya poppyseed dressing.  And for dessert, the infamous chocomole (figs instead of dates tonight, I think I like it better this way... hmmmm might have to do a side by side blind taste test). 

random meme

1) What is the most unerotic part of the human body? armpit?  I don't know there are few parts of the human body that I don't like.

2) What single word best describes you? Neurotic? 

3) If you had to choose between them, would you rather vacation in the mountains or near a lake? I can't have both?  Fine, mountains.

4) Among the people you know well, who would you nominate for sainthood? Ayla, I don't know how that girl deals with people with a smile on her face.

5) What is the strongest opinion you hold? All of them?  But for the moment probably single payer universal healthcare in the US.

6) What sport do you wish had never been invented? Polo... why? 

Daily affirmation

The more honest I am with those around me, the more love is returned to me