Well okay

So it's been a while. I know. I am a terrible blogger. Ridicule and mock me. I'm cool with it.

A lot of things have changed gotten better since last we spoke, my dear bloggersphere. I stopped hoping on a hope and wishing on a wish and starting making my life happen. I met someone that has helped me realize dreams are more than some distant idea. Grab life by the testes, it's the only one we've got. Unless of course you're Buddhist. Moving on...

Cancer is back. Spread through my lymph. I have no way of knowing what lies ahead, and damn it I'm not going to sit on my arse and pretend it's not happening. Just had surgery to take what I hope is the last of it out of my body. Doctor is making treatment options as we speak. Hopefully we'll have nipped it in the bud and I can get through the next five years and hear the word cured. It's funny, statistics say that a large percentage of people that go into remission and have a relapse die. I've never thought, "I'm going to die." I've never even said to myself but for when it first spread to my lymph and I realized I should get some ducks in a row, "I could die." It's not an option in my mind. I have a son. I have incredible people all around me who want me here. Need me here even. Giving up isn't in my vocabulary. It's just not an option.

I have met an incredible man who has made me feel better about my physical and mental self than I've felt in years. "It's like holy water washing over me, you make it real for me." We're helping each other clear out the areas of ourselves that we hide from everyone. Those areas that need a little TLC before we can give someone else access. Spring cleaning so to speak. I can't wait to see where we go from here. So many plans. So many ideas. So many days of love.

Off to spend the day with my beautiful little man.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Namaste.

Clare
xxx