Stories from the cancer ward

Welp, another day is passing here in small town Washington.  Things are very different then the last few times I've posted.  I'm moving (just down the road) and that's taking a lot of time.  But mostly it's just sheer exhaustion taking over.  

I've started chemo and it's really doing a swell job of kicking my energy level to nothing.  I'm now bald.  And that's been a battle (sorry, Chris for being overly sensitive about it on occasion, I am a right mental right now) in and of itself.  You don't realise how much something means to you until you've lost it.  I've had some of the rudest things said to me once people realise that I have cancer.  Including talking about their dead from cancer relatives, asking if I'm going to die and telling me one cancer is worse than what I have.  I've been amazed actually.  But keeping my head held high and my spirits up is my number one priority.  Positivity is the only way to beat this. 

Just had scans and tests this morning.  Chemo again next week.  I'm full of holes at the moment, twats at this hospital don't know how to take blood for the life of them.  Oh well, I'd make a right brilliant colander. 

Moving on from Cancer World.  

Chelsea smashed Arsenal to bits on Sunday.  Brilliant work on the pitch boys.  

I've fallen in love with the new Jason Mraz live cd/dvd.  Can't wait for the next one to come out.  Keep it up, kiddo. 

And I'm here eating Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide, dreaming of home, thinking about simple things and hoping to get moved in for good this week.  Very excited.  I painted and everythink.  So pretty... even if it does roughly resemble the Irish Flag.  Fuck off.  :D

Let's see, anything else to go on about?  I'm back to an 80/20 raw food diet.  Obviously my Ben and Jerry's is 'I just had scans so I'm treating myself fuck off' and not part of that.  Hehe.  

I'm applying to NaturalPath schools.  Not telling where, it's a surprise.  Don't want to jinx it maybe.  But I'm very very excited.  

I'm feeling very grateful for the people in my life lately.  So to all of you, thank you so very much.  You've made life better.  

Namaste. 

Clare

xx

A change gonna come

You can't imagine, unless you're unfortunate enough to have been there yourself, how uncomfortable it is to make the decision whether you'll freeze some ovum before they radiate the hell out of your ovaries. And I'm not even talking about the 16 gauge needle that they use to extract the little maybe babies.

As I sat thinking things through waiting for the doctor to come answer my barage of questions, I realized that it was my last fight against this stupid cancer taking away the one thing that really makes me a woman. Or a mammal. Even though I'll never carry my maybe baby, it's nice to know it could carry my genes and those of my future husband if we were to choose. In all logical thoughts I have left I'm not going to use them. I'd rather adopt a babe in need of my home and lovin buuuuuuut it's one more kick in the nuts to cancer. And I'm happy to deliver said kick to it, even if it's slowly sending me to the padded walled cell in return. Life must go on.

Namaste kids. I love you all lots.
C
Xx