I couldn't if I tried

If I went on record to try and explain
I couldn't if I tried.
If I were to tell a tale of your noble soul
I couldn't if I tried.
If I was asked to tell if you love me or not
I couldn't if I tried.
If I had to choose you or me
I couldn't if I tried.

ignore

So go on and ignore me.
Ignore my love.
Ignore my heart.
Ignore the soul that isn't a part of me anymore.
Ignore the words you said.
Ignore the nights we've spent together.
Ignore the heart that sits bleeding on the table where we eat our meals.
So go on and ignore me.

Wine

Why is it that I'm always the one that feels like shit when someone else drinks?

Daddy when he used to get angry.
Mama when she used to get stupid.
Brother when he used to drive like a fool.
The one boy when he used to take advantage of me.

And now you, the way you say things you wouldn't normally say that hurt my feelings and not seem to give a damn.

Wonder full

Why is it the one person that can make you feel best about yourself is the one person that can also destroy your confidence and break you the hardest? And why is it that some people seem to know that power and use it against you on purpose? Why is it so easy to go from utter joy to feeling like i'd rather jump in front of a bus.

precious dreams

I love and I loathe the same things at the same time. It comprehend and I don't understand the things you do at the same time. I hurt and I pine at the same time over us. In the same motion you push me away and pull me closer. Mixed messages in bottles float through my mind.

We Follow

Situated between the stars and the sun we follow an awkward orbit that takes us into the minds and hearts of those around us. There is space between the air. There is space between our hearts where they beat rhythmically. Critically thinking about each step, each thought, each pain. I have no simple answers, I have no simple plans. I feel weak and powerless to fight the night sky.

Here

When I'm here in your arms. Sometimes my thoughts get the better of me.
When I'm here in your arms. The rest of the world fades away.
When I'm here in your arms. Your warmth gives me strength.
When I'm here in your arms. We're alone in the world, two stars in a black sky.
When I'm here in your arms.

Heart

The heart does not bleed.
It replenishes our body, our blood and our energy.
It moves oxygen and life.
Just as the heart of our mind gives life to our future.

Powerful thoughts

There once was a man who handed me the moon. There once was a woman who made me a meal. I once saw a child flying a kite in the rain. I once watched an animal nursing her young.

The power in our minds reveals the power of our mother. Guarding our homes, our lands, and our objects we hold so dear. We forget to just love, live and give. We worry about tomorrow when it's too late to fix today. Take heart, my love, tomorrow is yet to come.

Blessed

She who gives birth is blessed.
He who raises a crop is blessed.
She who writes words is blessed.
He who teaches is blessed.

He who gains from his loss is blessed.
She who cooks for others is blessed.
He who uses his strength is blessed.
She who gives of herself is blessed.

We hold the truths in our hands.
We throw our egos to the sea.
We march on day by day.
We are truly blessed.

Something

I have held on to nothing when something was there.
I have given my all when I was on empty.
I have loved with my heart when my mind gave up.
Living. Loving. Learning.

Hold you now

I hold your love closest to my heart.
I hold your health always on my mind.
I hold your hand when you need it most.
I hold this vow in the best and worst of times.

Flow

Love can be like the first trickle of a spring. Clean, fresh, new, tamed and pure. Able to be sipped and tastes like a breeze.
Love can be like a pond covered in lily pads. Full of life, a bit stagnant, calm and true. Water of life hidden behind a veil.
Love can be like the mighty river. Raging, crashing, subsiding, overflowing it's banks. Shaping the earth around it and constantly changing.
Love can be like the vast deep ocean. Unexplored, holding it's own, telling a story. Strong, unwavering, and able to rebuild.
All water is connected in some way. All love should be too. Let our love be like water in all it's forms.

Simplicity

The simplest things in life are wrapped in love. The beauty around us is all too easy to ignore.
The path worn down is lined with bodies. The path I'm on seemingly hasn't seen a soul.

The beat

Embraced by clarity, I smile just to get by.
Tortured by devils, I live in my mind.
Where there once was matter, I find a crater.
Once I had a heart, but the beat broke down.

Paths

The mist in my eyes cools as it reaches down my chin to form rivers of trial and love at my breast. Soon they will dry up in the suns bright light, leaving behind paths etched in the caverns that lie hidden in the desert.
Hold me now like you'll never let go. You are a cliffs edge at which I have stood, too afraid to take the step to see the full view. Then a hand reached out and nudged my back and here I've been standing. Staring before me at the rugged rock mountains, awed by the grass that gives life, and feel in love with the eyes in the sky.

Living

I've given my morning, my days and my nights to you. I've held your hand while you stared blankly into the unanswering night sky. I'd break my bones one by one if it would give you rest. Hot coals would be a cool stream in my mind if it gave you hope.

Well okay

So it's been a while. I know. I am a terrible blogger. Ridicule and mock me. I'm cool with it.

A lot of things have changed gotten better since last we spoke, my dear bloggersphere. I stopped hoping on a hope and wishing on a wish and starting making my life happen. I met someone that has helped me realize dreams are more than some distant idea. Grab life by the testes, it's the only one we've got. Unless of course you're Buddhist. Moving on...

Cancer is back. Spread through my lymph. I have no way of knowing what lies ahead, and damn it I'm not going to sit on my arse and pretend it's not happening. Just had surgery to take what I hope is the last of it out of my body. Doctor is making treatment options as we speak. Hopefully we'll have nipped it in the bud and I can get through the next five years and hear the word cured. It's funny, statistics say that a large percentage of people that go into remission and have a relapse die. I've never thought, "I'm going to die." I've never even said to myself but for when it first spread to my lymph and I realized I should get some ducks in a row, "I could die." It's not an option in my mind. I have a son. I have incredible people all around me who want me here. Need me here even. Giving up isn't in my vocabulary. It's just not an option.

I have met an incredible man who has made me feel better about my physical and mental self than I've felt in years. "It's like holy water washing over me, you make it real for me." We're helping each other clear out the areas of ourselves that we hide from everyone. Those areas that need a little TLC before we can give someone else access. Spring cleaning so to speak. I can't wait to see where we go from here. So many plans. So many ideas. So many days of love.

Off to spend the day with my beautiful little man.

Peace. Love. Happiness.

Namaste.

Clare
xxx

Thank you prez, you've made me more nauseous

Fucking hell. Can't we just leave the earth alone. She's been through so much already. If we protect it, it's more likely to protect and keep us.

My friends over at Surfrider have a great blog. www.oilonthebeach.blogspot.com

Well it's been some time

But here we are. Doctor said remission. One last round of radiation to make sure. But there is no more machine detectable cancer in my body.

Long time coming, but I'm there. I'm happy. Things are well.

Soon it'll be on to sorting the rest of life.